Sometimes to get through the pain you just have to smile

Some times there is nothing you can do. You just sit there in a state of shock. love is hard. sometimes on youtube they have the best people who just share with everyone here are some things that i found:

Love feels like heaven, but hurts like hell.

well... if love is easy. it wouldn't mean nothing.......

easy to fall in love...hard to fall out of it.

nothing in this world worth fighting for comes without a fight

Its feels so good when you're in love.. Everything seems to be perfect thats why it hurts so much when you fall...

Right now i don't want to be asked if i'm okay the whole time, its like someone has died, and i'm fine, please stop the pitying its making me mad! None of you know how I feel and to be honest letting you know wouldn't help me at all. Sorry but its true :L

To me you haven't changed, your still the person who makes me laugh when i'm about to cry. You're the person who sees the world my way, but right now you can't see my world but what they say, 

"Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened"

A smile can protect you from the world and can protect the world from you. That's my shield at the moment, one day you can see through it and I will let you see the truth but not right now.

I'm sorry for the weird post, it doesn't really make sense but neither do I :L

lots of love me xxx

But you...

I don't want to talk to anyone... But you
I don't want to see anyone... But you
I don't want to laugh with anyone... But you
I don't want to hold anyone... But you
I don't want anyone to hold me... But you
I don't want anyone to wipe away my tears... But you
I don't want to dance with anyone... But you
I don't want to look at anyone... But you
I don't want to be with anyone... But you
I don't want anyone... But you

But you have gone. Left me with nothing but memories, tears on my face and a song.
At least I now know how you feel. These are the words I have right now, so I need to say them, because everything is hard for me, especially talking so this is my release.

I don't want to be the girl whose name you will forget in a month, or the girl you sometimes text when you remember, but I don't want to be the girl who makes your heart ache either, because that not fair, not fair for either of us. So live your life, laugh with new people, love new girls but remember that I will always be here and whenever you feel a breeze on your cheek that's the kiss I blew to you from across the ocean.

Please don't forget, but if you do look at the moon and you will remember all of us

Love from me xxxx

P.S I'm sorry that right now I can't talk, or help you but I am in a plave where I need some space and soon I will be back, I love you all so much xxxxx

Sometimes you nedd the fog to clear and the light to come on

Some of you know my biggest fear, and you know my playroom. Well the light is at the top of the stairs, so I have to run up in the dark and the lights turn on slowly so there is this moment. The moment when I can't see anything in front of me and I'm scared what's there. My heart stops and then I see that its all fine and I can breath. But no matter how many times I have to run up the stairs (and I've been doing it for 14 years) it still happens, When I'm scared that my fears will be staring me in the face, and I know its stupid but I can't help it.
Sometimes life is like this. When you can't see the road your about to take, and your heart stops for that second. But even ahead of you, and its then, when we need to clear the fog in the way. But our path soon becomes clear, normally with the help of special people. Some people leave our lives, some people come into our lives but everything happens for a reason. We just need to find our paths in our hearts and follow them, no matter what stands in our way.

Love from me xxx

I will try to not complain :L

Right, where do I begin? People work in different and sometimes we all wish we could change them, but we need to love them for who they are no matter how hard it is. Sometimes we have to just suck up our feelings and make someone else happy, even if it means going home and having a cry after, at least they aren't crying! But life is hard we often have to choose between ourselves and someone else. People need reassurance and if not saying something will give them that then do it. Sometimes people have the need to show that they have something better than you. They think they are all subtle and clever while inside you see it, and hurt, but show no emotion outside. In anchorman (love the film!!) Ron says that he wanted to share the top news story in his world, to shout it off the top of a mountain. We all feel like this when we need to shout something, exciting, rude, jealous, happy, anything! But we can't because we have to think of the people around us. Well, lately people have been shouting in my ears, things that I don't really want to hear, things that bring me down. I'm not saying I don't do it, I know I do, everyone does but it sucks when it happens for so long and the people don't even know. Because every time it happens I want to cry and I wish I could just runaway to myself and not think about it. I don't really know what has brought on this post, I started not wanting to complain but sometimes what people need is a big whine!
This isn't even what I wanted to mention so I will have to move on now!

I saw a quote the other day and I love it soo much it says,
Love feels like heaven but it hurts like hell
It completely sums it up, listen to 'love is hard' by james morrison! If love didn't hurt then it wouldn't mean anything at all. The best moments are when you look into someone's eyes and see what you have always wanted to see. And when you have moments like these, treasure them, because sooner or later you won't be able to see that anymore. It hurts but its true. Sometimes we wish moments will never end, when we want to freeze and just play it over again, because even if the moment was just a second it can stay with us for a lifetime, lift us out of the dark and put a smile on our faces when we need it most. Treasure what you have because, I hate to say it, but everything we have will someday be gone. so keep your memories even if you can't keep the people
Sorry its depressing

Love from me xxx

the 820

Okay, this post was written ages ago but i am only posting it now because i kept on forgetting!

Today I walked home my myself and, like everyday, the 820 bus went past. But today I felt weird, I was kind of happy to see it, like a long lost friend. I used to get on the bus every friday, or more, and I had so many memories on there, I met some amazing people, had so much fun, had deep chats and lots of laughs! as I watched it drive past me, it touched my heart. Sometimes we loose things that mean a lot to us, but there is nothing we can do, sometimes we get reminded of these things from the simplest things. A smile from someone that we used to love but now we just cant return the same smile; someone walks past, someone who we used to walk with but now we just pass like strangers; a look that we used to know but now we just cant read it; words that were said to us once or simply a joke that we don't find funny like we used to. But all the memories, people, and smiles we keep in our hearts, somewhere where time doesn't change or matter. when I saw the bus drive past, i didn't want to get on it and be there again, i just enjoyed remembering all the good times. things change in our lives, things we cant control but our memories will be there forever no matter what happens. but if things change just remember, "don't cry because its over, smile because it happened" just be happy with what you have when you have it because one day we will be reminded of it, so make it a good memory!

love from me xxx

You are never truly happy if you haven"t truly loved!

I came across this quotes today for a reason I won't bore you with, but it has stuck with me. Yesterday I had the beeeesssttt day ever! I felt so close to the people I love and the best thing is that I saw dreams being made, I saw people laugh who usually don't, I saw people love who usually don't and I saw something which I usually don't which is a bit to private! :P It was so fun! And in between lying in the london sun, laughing like a mad person, constantly taking photos, strolling behind and eating ice cream, I realised how happy I was! The fact is that people get bored when your down and that you feel horrible when your down, so why dont you just try and be happy? Personally I am an optimist, well i try to be, and I wish nothing more than everyone to get on and be happy, there is a saying, "Happiness is excitement that has found a settling down place.  But there is always a little corner that keeps flapping around." Why be the flap? lol, that sounds weird but if your going to be sad why try to drag everyone else down, does it make you feel special? anyway that sounds really mean but it has been around in my mind for ages and I thought today was the time to let it out :L 


Anyway Ii chose the title because in the moments with the sun shining down i realised that i truly loved the people i was with! and by doing that i was truly happy! if you never felt like that then you should try it, all it takes is a smile, find yourself happiness because it is not always going to find you! i love you all so much and i want you to know that that some days stay gold forever ;) and that one will!


love from me xxx

You made me who i am today

Okay, I found this poem and it is me! its like all my feelings written by someone else :L v creepy

I've had one of those days
You know what I mean
So I sit and relax
And turn on my screen

I'll talk to all my friends
Wyo know just what to say
To make my stresses go
And my troubles fade away

My friends you're always there for me
Whenever I feel blue
And no matter what people say
I know our friendships true

And although we haven't been friends for long
In this short time it seems
We shared so many things already
Our hopes, our fears, our dreams

We come from different walks of life
But we all share a common bond
And its time to say that to all of you
I've grown so very fond

So thankyou friends for being there
Whenever I need you
I know you're always there for me
And you know I'm there for you xxx

On the first night I told you my biggest fear, somthing I had never voiced before and since then I just love you more! Thank you for everything!

Love from me xxx

just smile!

Okay, I have something for you to do! I may be having a blue peter moment, but I love this and if you look in my maths book its all I draw! Get a piece of paper and draw a '2' right on the edge so the two left points are touching the edge of the page and then hold it to a mirror so it reflects! Soo prettyful! If you could be bothered to do that, thankyou if you just worked out what it was your boring :P

I hope I made you smile when you found a heart in a place you didn't expect it, but it can happen a lot, so people may not let you know the whole time but they do love you! I'm in a weird mood :L I am angry hyper and deep at the same time, now I have something from my angry part:
'____ is so ____ it actually makes me laugh' K.Roy xx

Okay and here is another quote:
'Never mind, I'll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you, too, don't forget me, I beg, I remember when you said...' Okay, if you are rolling your eyes saying, 'it was only an amount of time' suck my willie as the wise wise someone would say :L okay, I am quite hyper and I don't know why :LL

You know when you have something build and build and you just need to let it out, this is why I haven't posted in a while because I have been scared of everyone judging it and talking about it so let me let this out ' JUST STOP TRYING TO BE INVOLVED IN MY LIFE, IF I WANTED YOU TO I WOULD TELL YOU TO!!!' Can I just talk with out people judging? Or is there now some law that means that I can't express my feelings, if I cry apparently I attention seek, If I laugh I want everyone to notice? Seriously people think I'm a monster when I am just a teenage girl who wants to have fun, can I not do anything right? Can I not talk to boy with out 'apparently' slobbering all over him? Maybe I can actually talk to the opposite sex! Shock!If I want to talk about something, I can just like everyone else can talk about me, you spend your whole time pointing out my flaws when you never ever listen to yours because you act like you listen to me but every time you just talk over me!!! Seriously?!!

I am so sorry but I have needed to let that out, it may be me being slightly hyper but then it could be a convosation which made me realise how you make me feel

Lots of love me xxx

causualty of love

Sometimes you have to know hurt to know love and often they come hand in hand, because what would love be worth if it didn't hurt? You would never know what being happy was, sometimes we also know hurt too well and love feels like a distant friend. The casualties of love happen everyday, the un replied text, the words that just slip out, the push that was a little too hard, sometimes jokes just sting, mostly its between friends because these are the people you rely on the most. but also the pain of love hurts because its what we're all look for and its what we all want so much that we start to believe in fantasies. When you realise that you falling but there is no one beneath to catch you. Sometimes its when you see the person with someone else, sometimes its when your with them and you realise its got to end because reality hits you, hard. But all the pain keeps us going because the happiness means so much more and we live for those moment that we will remember forever, when you felt like the queen and you had no worries. Each harsh word, or evil look, joke at you or something that just hits you so hard you feel winded, our hearts break, sometimes just a tiny crack that keeps on growing sometimes a bullet wound when you can't even breath. But one day, we will meet the person who won't hurt us but will make all those breaks in our hearts disappear, this is the person that we all wait for, some people find it young, some find it old and some find it in the most unexpected places. But right now we have to enjoy out happy times and hope that someone will help us through the bad and then stick our hearts back together with ice cream!

This was an unexpected post, but I have been thinking about it for ages and I heard a song called casualty of love, I don't know the lyrics but the title was perfect!

Lots of love me xxx

my star

Here is another of my stars who I want to thank for just being amazing! I haven't written one in a while but today was so funny and I realised that the next person to write about was you because I love you so much! I haven't known you for that long but somehow we just get each other so well! We are so similar and I love that, even though it is quite scary sometimes! I wish I could tell you how amazing you are, I love helping you because seeing you happy and smiling actually makes me happy! You are so funny, but also you are so deep! I feel like I can tell anything to you and you will understand! You have stuck by me when I do stupid things and I am so thankful for that! You have completely changed me, you have made me see more in life and I will never forget the first conversation when I realised we got each other. With another star we were talking about how small we feel when we think of the world, I always thought it was a bit weird when I felt like that but I was able to talk about it to both of you and we all understand. Since then I have just got closer to you! I love finding out new things about you and I hope we will be friends for so long because you have helped me so much and you have made my world a little lighter! I wish you saw yourself how I see you! Thankyou for the long conversations we can have that go on for hours, thankyou for making me see things differently, thankyou for being just so funny, thankyou for being there for me! I love you

Love from me xxx

How come lyrics know me more than I do?

Have you ever been listening to a song and you just think 'wow! That is what I feel right now, but I didn't know how to put it!' These are some lyrics that make me do that, they may not be exactly what it said because I don't have the lyrics I'm just listening, so don't tell me I'm wrong. Some I will explain, some do it for me. Some will be about you, most won't, but don't speculate just listen.

Your on my heart just like a tattoo - you all mean so much to me, what would I do without you?
You think I don't feel like you do - seriously??? I am human!
So here's to everything coming down to nothing - how could it?
You feel so low you can't feel anything at all - why did I let you do this?
You think I'm pretty without any makeup on, you think I'm funny when I tell the punchline wrong, I know you get me so I'll let my walls come down, before I met you I was alright but things were kinda heavy, you brought me to life so every february you'll be my valentine
Do you hear me, I'm talking to you - I hope you will
I keep you in my heart, you make it easier when life gets hard
You gotta keep smiling through the thunder and lightning - how come I have to but you don't?
Boys will be boys, girls will be girls - its reality, get used to it!
Don't cry before your hurt - so why do you?
Your everything I need and more
I hate that I made you think that the trust we had was broken
I keep pretending that I don't care
Oh, so you think you know me now, have you forgotten how you make me feel when you drag my spirit down?
I don't know how to be something you miss
they say things are to good to be true, I just hope they ain't talking about, I know everything must come to an end, but I just can't imagen me without you
I love the way your everything I've ever wanted - you all are!

Love from me xxx

If you cant find your way, look for me!

Today had a vaair boring start, it included me giving up chocolate and lasting twelve minutes and just staring at science homework. But in the evening/afternoon, two stars came round (if you haven't worked out my stars are my friends family and generally people I love) anyway we went in my hot tub which was really nice and so funny, if a little to sexuall! Some quotes, 'its ginnormas!' 'Its getting bigger!' 'I'm so steeamy' 'I can't get my chin in' 'get it up! Get it up graaace get it up!' 'I'm so haaapppyyy' 'I can't get it out' *sexuall eyes* and just generally being loud with some indian dancing and a lot of laughs! It was so nice because one of my stars I don't get to see that much of any more and I was just so happy to be with two lovely people! The title of today comes from the song we were loudly singing to! Look for me, if you hadent guessed! And in that moment I knew that along with others these were two stars who would guide me if I ever got lost. I was really happy and I felt so good (not in that way ;P)

It was a good end to my day, and now I am panicking for a maths test tomorrow that I have not revised for at all *streess ball* anywaay :L

Love from me xxx

long distance

I want to put in a link here, but I don't know how and I'm on my phone so I will try later. What I really want to put in here is a song called 'long distance' by bruno mars, and right now I think everyone is saying 'oh, we all know who that's going to be about!' But the song just holds so much for me. It shows us why we have our star maps, we hold our stars so close to us so we can feel close to our special people. Sometimes I wish I had a wish, and it would be for time, to have more time with people now, to wish I had more time with the people who have now gone, and there isn't a moment I don't miss you. I wish I had more time being careless, I don't want to grow up, I just wish I had more time with all the people I love. When I think about the people I miss, people I will miss and people that I hope I will never have to miss, I ache inside and that is why I want time, but I will never get it so right now we all just have to seize the day. Say the words you want to say, tell people what they mean because it hurts more than anything when you don't even get a goodbye. So now instead of a goodbye I got a star, I think possibly the oldest star, one which I was so close to and I will always keep with me, no matter where I go or who else I meet because every saying you taught me, every lesson, I thank you for because I love you more than ever now your not here but I truly believe that you know that. Even if there is a long distance there doesn't need to be in our hearts.
I wish that I can remember you, I wish that I met you, I wish that I had more time with you, I wish that I never have to leave you, I wish that you don't have to leave me, I wish that you will stay forever, I wish that you all know how much you mean to me. I love you all

Lots of love me xxx

When I nearly hit the ground you were my cushion

This post is about someone who has always been there for me, when I cry when I laugh, when I have a hair emergency, a make up one (which happens a lot because somehow mascara prefers my skin rather then my eyelashes) when I don't know what someone is talking about and generally this person is a star! Somehow though you make me feel better everyday but you never see who you really are, you are so beautiful, funny, kind and everyone loves you! You may want to be perfect but its your imperfections that make you my best friend! If we take anything from angus thongs (apart from never dress up as a stuffed olive) its that we shouldn't try to be perfect because that's not us we should just be true and find people that love us for ourselves! I really want you to know this because you should be so proud of yourself because you are the most lovely person I have ever met! You would never hurt a fly, you always look out for people you care about and I want to let you know that I appreciate all you do for me and your should never change for anyone. You know what you feel so don't be scared to show it because I will always listen, like you always do to me. I love the way we think at the exact same time, when we crack up over what no one else notices and when we both realise how stupid we've been and have to stop walking because we are just laughing too much! I hope you know how much I need you! Please never ever doubt yourself because you are beautiful in soooo many ways!

This is about one of my brightest stars, and I will write about my others later!
Love from me xxx

My star map

Okay, so right now the title probably doesn't make much sense to you, but let me explain! I read in a book that we all have our own star maps, our own constellations which means that we are never alone, all we have to do is look up into the stars and all the people we love are there. With us wherever we are. Every star on our maps are people we love and who have touched our hearts. It also said, 'Skin, blood and bones... or stardust?' I love this, I do think we are made out of people who have changed us, not always for the better, even if we like to think they have. Our whole lives we are changing and the people who truly understand us can change us in so many ways, we all end up being amazing people and who we are isn't what we are born, its also our experiences that make us. I want to share with you all my stars, and hopefully you will start to see my star map, my life.

This evening has been so fun! I decided I should start my blog today because I have been inspired by the lovely people that I spent my time with! They are some of my brightest stars! Six of us all went to bronte's house and had a girley night in! It was so funny! We spent a lot of time dancing (probably too sexually) on just dance! It was so fun and I found myself really getting into it which was scary! Also we had some girley talks, when I was informed on way to graphically how bronte was born! I love them all because tonight I felt some thing that I haven't felt in a long time. I felt free! I didn't have to care or worry all night and I loved it! At the moment I almost forgot what it felt like! I miss only worrying about my tamagotchie or if I had brought in my suncream for breaktime! But even growing up has its good sides, I feel more comfortable with myself then I have been in ages, I can see a future that I can't wait to live and I am starting an new chapter in my life! One which I can actually control! I want to say thankyou to all my stars, I hope you know how much you all mean to me!

This is a quote that I looove, its from a play called love story that is soo sad but actually amazing and somthing I will never forget, and it had a fit actor in! Anyway the quote is, 'say that love is a bridge over an ocean, pray that it survives when hope does not' it may not make any sense to you but if it did then I bet you thought of some one when I said it? Well if you did, then you have just found one of your stars!

Now I am really tired and I am writing this on my phone, so I'm sorry if it doesn't make much sense so I am going to bed! Night xxxxx