You with your words like knives...

okay, this morning I was in a really bad place and now i'm out, with help of some lovely people but I have got something I want to say. I didn't know whether to post or not this morning but I actually thought the people who read my blog would care about me and actually want to help me. but let me say this now, my blog isn't for you, if you don't like what I say then don't listen! okay, I was naive but some people are so back stabbing! I don't write on here because i want you to read it, or to make an extravagant showing of my feelings, i write on here for me, to let my feelings out and to hope that the people I love will get to know me a bit better, sometimes to thank them for being amazing sometimes to say my mind, like now.  i dont need people in my life who drag me down, if this is you then take a look at yourself. does pulling me down make you any happier? does it make me any happier? then why do it? because people have feelings, that are not there to let you mock or to make you feel any better. yes, i am 14! but that doesn't  that I cant feel how I want to feel, it just means that i'm not scared of showing my emotions, it has got nothing to do with you. anything. i'm sorry that i thought you cared about me, but how can i even trust you when every time our friendship starts to heal you pull it to pieces again? Every time you stab me with your words and it hurts, then it hurts you. I wish you could see it because in the end this wont be a friendship any more. I'm sorry that i trusted you, I'm sorry that i let you into my world, I'm sorry i gave you another gossiping conversation to have. once again about my life, which I dont even know why i invited you to share any of my feelings, I poured so much into you just for you to go and talk about. but to be honest i dont need it any more, your my friend and you always will be but maybe next time you hurt someone you will wish that you learnt from the first time you hurt me.

love from me xxx

Only you can tell

Friday night beneath the stars  

In a field behind your yard

You and I are painting pictures in the sky

And sometimes we don't say a thing

Just listen to the crickets sing

Everything I need is right here by my side

And I know everything about you

I don't wanna live without you

I'm only up when you're not down

Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground

It's like no matter what I do

Well, you drive me crazy half the time

The other half I'm only trying

To let you know that what I feel is true

And I'm only me when I'm with you

Just a small town boy and girl

Living in the crazy world

Trying to figure out what is and isn't true

And I don't try to hide my tears

The secrets, all my deepest fears

Through it all nobody gets me like you do

And you know everything about me

You say that you can't live without me

I'm only up when you're not down

Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground

It's like no matter what I do

Well, you drive me crazy half the time

The other half I'm only trying

To let you know that what I feel is true

And I'm only me when I'm with you

When I'm with anybody else

It's so hard to be myself

And only you can tell

That I'm only up when you're not down

Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground

It's like no matter what I do

Well, you drive me crazy half the time

The other half I'm only trying

To let you know that what I feel is true

And I'm only me

Who I wanna be

Well, I'm only me when I'm with you

With you, oh, yeah

This is for you (you all know who you are ;))
Love from me (with help from Taylor Swift ;))

xxx

So what if i break down?

I'm in a weird mood, I wish it was a mood that could be changed by a good nights sleep or a tub of ice cream. I've tried both and right now I'm still stuck. I feel lost, I don't know how to be happy, I cant let myself be sad because I don't now if I would have the strength to pick myself up. I hate it. Right now I need the people who made me happy, because I can always trust them to pick me back up. I feel... I dont really know. This is probably driving you mad because I'm just rambling but that is how I feel in my life right now, I don't really have an aim, schools finished (good!) but after having weeks of school work and concentrating I suddenly have nothing to fill my spare time with. I have just done a ballet show, over. I just had a big science test, over. I had a really close friend, over. I had days filled with school and lots of people, over. I feel like I'm over, I dont really know I dont feel anything. I need my stars so much but on monday I felt like someone was trying to take you away, and I was down, I was stuggling so hard to get back up. Like I was drowning. In broken strings 'you cant play on broken strings, you cant feel anything' I feel like a broken string :L Like I am something less than I used to be. okay, this is me right now:
I used to be a ship on the water, I had my anchor that stopped me going under, then something happened, I started sinking. now the water is nearly coming over my head and I'm struggling to get back up, I need someone to put their arms around me and pull me out because I don't have the strength to do it myself.

Happy:

Holding on tightly, just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role, slowly disappear, oh
But all these days, they feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names, get me out of here
But I can't stand by your side, oh no
And watch this life pass me by, pass me by

Okay now lyrics that some of you wont like so it you're cynic then stop reading now. but this blog is for my feelings and this is how i feel :L sorry x

Superman:

But I hope someday he'll take me away and save the day, yeah
Something in his deep brown eyes has me saying, 
He's not all bad like his reputation
And I can't hear one single word they say.
And you'll leave, got places to be and I'll be OK



And I watch you fly around the world 
And I hope you don't save some other girl
Don't forget, don't forget about me
I'm far away but I never let you go


Sorry for moaning and rambling


love from me xxx

When the 'happily ever after' come too late

Some times the thing you wanted so much come a little too late. it doesn't mean that it makes you feel any less happy. but things have changed, people leave, people come, so how can you expect everything to work when you don't know what is happening next week let alone in the future. sometimes, even when you would give anything to make your dream come true, the dream still isn't reality. and in reality your dreams rarely come true. it hurts but its true. should i hope and be let down or not believe and never know the outcome, sometimes the future looks simple, sometimes it looks hard but all we can do is live by the day and trust our stars to keep us on track.

Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?
Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place
Should I leave it there?
Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements
Even if it leads nowhere?

love from me xxx

Mirror mirror on the wall

Sometimes when you look in the mirror you don't see yourself for who you really are. Everyone does it, some people see themselves to be too good for other people and others don't see how good they are. Way to good for the people who bring them down. right now the perfect song has just come on and what I'm trying to say is i want you to feel my love, all of you because your amazing, no matter what people say. but please please see your self for who you are, and if you don't then listen to this song and remember how much i love you! Next time you look in the mirror think of all your amazing qualities, and there are so many, learn to embrace your flaws because perfect people aren't perfect because they have no flaws, they're perfect because those flaws make them who they are.

When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
No, there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

Some times we don't know who we are and when we look in the mirror we don't even recognise who we have become. We say something and after we think, 'that wasn't me speaking, that was the person i have become'. we all lose our path in life sometimes, but as long as we follow our heart we can stray too far off. If there is someone on your path making it blurry and they are not supposed to be there then don't let them put you off track. Because who you are is the best thing of all, because when we were made there was no mistake, we are here for a reason. and the only way to get to your place is by following the truth in your heart.

love from me xxx

Dreams are for fools, they let you down...

I'll be your strength to find you when you get lost in the crowd

I haven't posted in a while because right now my life has been quite quiet, not sad just so peacefully quiet. Its taken me a while to get used to it but now I truly see that I am thankful to so many people. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you the most and I love you all so much. I want you all to know that one day when you need me I will be here, and I always will be. You all light up my days so much, you are there to help me let my anger, tears smiles out and you are there to share treasured memories and every moment with you all makes me so happy. This is not directed to certain people, if you are reading this then it is definitely you that has helped me get to where I am now, and for that I am so grateful. I don't know how you can stand to be with me when I am in a bad mood, but thank you for standing next to me. I am sorry that I don't say this enough, but you are all amazing. I love it when you smile because it makes me so happy, and if you ever find that smile not on your face, then come to me and I will try my best to put it on there, because that is what you have done for me.

Here are some lyrics from Jessie J 'casualty of love' that mean a lot to me and i want you to know them:


 I will go down to the last round
i'll be your strength to find you when you get lost in the crowd
so i'll stand up tall if by chance I fall
then i'll go down as a casualty of love

the battle of us will be simple
escape without being hurt
cause love is shield, it keeps us concealed
from what could get even worse
so baby let me be your soldier
don't be overtaken by pride
just close your eyes, take my hand i promise to keep us alive

Love from me xxx